It's hard to see people you love go through hard things. It is especially hard to see your young nieces and nephews go through things. I wish that they didn't have to grow up the way that I did. Or experience some of the same things I did. I hate to see them suffer because of choices their parents make. I don't have favorites but two of my nieces have very special places in my heart. You love them all the same but in different ways. Shalyn has a special place in my heart because I see so much of myself in her. Because she was the first niece. Because she had me wrapped around her finger the first time I saw her. She made me want a little girl just like her someday. I hate seeing the way she has to live, a lot like the way I grew up. The other niece that has a special place in my heart is Lydia. She is sweet, naive, cheerful and perky. She is also a first. She was the second niece, but first child of a different brother. Lydia has a much happier safe life, not without problems though. Her daddy never ever payed attention to her and now has left. Doesn't care enough to be a part of her life. Her dad is not a bad person but something just went very wrong in his heart. She acts up now because her "daddy" is gone. She thrives on attention, and I have heard her say she misses her dad many times. I think that her behavior has a lot to do with the absence of her dad when he was around and the complete absence of him now. I just hurt for her because in a way I understand. I hate that her seven year old innocence has to be ruined by the D word. She's seven, she doesn't understand.

I pray for my family and things always seem to go from bad to worse. Sometimes it's hard to have faith when you feel like your prayers aren't being answered. It's hard to have faith when you look at your nieces and nephews all under the age of seven, who suffer because of their parents. It never helps either when I get lectures about having faith and never stop praying and etc. It doesn't make me want to have faith anymore than before. It just makes me want to scream. I do still pray and I am not giving up, I am just saying.

I know how God has worked in my life and I am sure He can do the same with my family. In HIS time. It makes me want to raise my kids the right way. I never want my children to experience the things I or my family members did.